From what I can tell, I'm in some type of mixed state and/or rapid cycling. Unfortunately the only way to figure it out is to do some techniques and see what works. Anti-depressants have not worked for me in the past. I'm also experienceing some type of weird rapid cycling with 24hr periods.
In the past I've tried anti-dpressant techniques, but those didnt work and what I found out is some of them actually mess up your head more if you are bipolar. So i'll try some Bipolar Self-therapy and see if that sticks to the wall.
Well, I assembled and am doing my self-therapy. Here's what I did:
- Forced myself to turn out the lights at 10pm. Turned off phones, everything. I'm gone from home during the week so that was nice - no distractors (not that my wife is a distractor but you know what I mean).
That actually worked too. I laid there thinking about all sorts of stuff but I zonked. I think in this state your brain tells you "im not tired, see ? I'm throwing 10,000 ideas at you at once and you need to do them now!" but you really are tired. Also, darkness triggers your "time clock" in your brain (the same thing lithium does) (ref. Jim Phelps M.D.) . When your time clock is messed up you have big problems. Mine is messed up.
I planned to do exercise this morning but couldn't... I woke up fine but did this thing that happens when I'm depressed - just sit there staring with my mind switching on. Then you get this weird feeling like your soul is getting sucked somewhere in the 4th dimension and are paralyzed....yet you are totally concious and thinking. You imagine yourself brushing your teeth, going on a nice run, showering, and going to work and you go through this a couple hundred times.
I remembered Bluish light helps trigger your time clock so I stared at the light peeking through my window and just stared at it for about 30 minutes. That helped. I actually got up the earliest all week (730). I didnt have time to exercise, though, and showered (the first time in 4 days) so that was a success.
On my way to work I took my meds (nicotine) and now I feel great. I think my body appreciates the rest (been going to sleep about 2-3am in the past week and getting up at 8). Ack for my behavioral therapy I planned this activity at 5pm so I gotta go. Doing this crap during the day screws up my work.
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2 comments:
wow. very intense. i have not read all your posts so i'm not sure i understand if you can take meds or not. you said anti-dep don't work. when i am in mixed states the only med that helps me is seroquel. and i guess depakote helped but i was on that all the time and then during mixed states i would up the seroquel and it worked for me. i miss taking it now that i'm off meds. anyway hang in there. thanks for visiting my blog.
Hey marlena, thanks for stopping by. Yeah, I can't take meds. I did under the guise of "research" for a coupoe months, those were the new depression meds, I just said what they wanted them to hear because I was kinda desparate to try anything.
I feel for ya, bein pregnant and no being able to take medication. I'm trying self-psychotherapy vice meds so maybe do some research on that. Too early to tell what works for me yet.
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